This morning, I Googled my name – this is the way I get to my blog site to post. I kept looking at it as I scrolled down the page, and the next page and the following. It took 15 pages before I couldn’t find my name again. I was shocked.
So every thing a person does is now on the internet; anyone can find anything about me? I never thought I’d see this day. I’m still sitting here in amazement at what I found.
Part of me resents the intrusion of my privacy. Part of me (ego) found the number of hits pretty impressive. And part of me appreciates the kick in the butt I got this morning.
I’ve let my blog go for months. I’ve been doing re-writes and revisions on a novel and I just haven’t had time to fit another piece of writing into my day. I haven’t written anything new or creative in almost nine months. I was starting to feel like I never would.
This week I realized how I’d neglected the blog and felt embarrassed for not taking the time to write something new each week. I was just about to close down the site; let it go entirely; I’ve lost my muse; I’m stuck; I’m void of one ounce of creative juice.
But when I scrolled down the pages at my published work — the titles, the first few words — I began to realize that somewhere along the way, this attempt at writing morphed into “writing”. I had forgotten a number of the pieces published in Gila River Review; almost forgotten the anthologies that have accepted my work the past two years. Am I writer? I asked myself. During this revision process, I began to question that. This morning’s findings have now encouraged me.
I feel pushed to find that muse again. To sit my butt in a chair and just do it. So as much as I resent everyone in the country knowing my business, I guess there is an up side. It made me realize that I can write; I have written; I need to write. It is a part of who I am, and if I quit now, I give up a large part of myself, and that would be a shame even if I’m never published again.
So here I am – at my blog site – pen and paper ready. Here I go…..