I watched the sun rise this morning. The usual blue sky over Phoenix has a light cover of cloud creating a smoky magenta and peach canvas off to the east. For the past few weeks I’ve been dealing with what we humans call life – some good, some unfortunately sad or bittersweet.
And while it’s true that we can’t feel the joy without pain, can’t feel happy without sad, these are times when I wish that were different. I wanted to ask God, why? Why can’t we just feel joy and happiness and all the other wonderful positive feelings He has given us all the time? I suppose His answer would be that those times would then pale and dull into a flat, even sameness we wouldn’t recognize or appreciate.
I find myself on my knees a lot these days. Asking that these times be brief, asking that these times please end, asking God to carry me through to the other side. I don’t ask why because I don’t expect an answer. There may not be a why; this may not be part of a plan except that we recognize our physical limitations, our human foibles, our inability to make wise choices for ourselves.
So as I watch this rare spectacular sunrise I sit quietly and simply let it envelope me. I feel some small sense of peace, and hope that these few moments carry me through the rest of the day. And I allow the tears we’ve been given to fall silently releasing my anger and sadness to give room for the happy miracles ahead.
My “why” questions have often gone unanswered, but I figure I”m in good company, because even Jesus asked “why” from the cross, as in “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
So although my why's often meet with silence, I have found God faithful to answer the “who” question, quietly, faithfully, showing me who he is in the midst of life's messiness.
Hang in there, my friend.